We live in a society that puts so much pressure on mums to do it all. We can take on everything, do it well and then hopefully we fit the narrative of the perfect mum! So what do we do? It’s not just caring for our kids, it’s also the invisible load. It’s managing the house chores, cooking healthy meals, life admin, medical appointments, organising EVERYTHING, working outside the home, maintaining our relationships, and constantly thinking about what we have to do. And whilst doing all of this, we need to remain calm! Oh, and lets not forget the guilt we often feel. We often do all of this whilst ignoring our own needs. But it’s just part of motherhood, right? No, it’s unrealistic and not sustainable long term. It’s too much for one person to take on!
Lets take back control!
I’m a home educating mum of two, and know all to well what it feels like to be overwhelmed and exhausted. We had two big changes in the last year, giving birth to our youngest and we started to home educate our eldest. I underestimated what it would take to do both along side each other, whilst doing everything else!
I think l have been in survival mode since my youngest was born – and l think this is normal. We have this external pressure though, that we should be able to bounce back after giving birth and to resume ‘normal life’ as soon as possible. How is this even possible, especially with the sleepless nights that most of us have to go through? I know l wasn’t able to do it. However, I’m nearly a year in to being a mum of two, and l want to make life just that little bit easier for myself.
There is no magic wand to take away the demands that come with motherhood. Parenting is hard! Some days will be full of chaos and there will be days when we are just so tired and struggle to keep up with the demands. This is very true if you have young kids – plenty of sleepless nights. I’m still there! I’ve finally accepted though, that there are some things l have absolutely no control cover, and just have to go with it some days. But there are thing’s we can control to make life easier for ourselves.
Practical changes
No two families are the same – but the one thing that we can probably all agree on is that parenting comes with it’s challenges. So, l thought l would share with you the changes l have made over the last couple months, that have made my life just that little bit easier! Some of these changes might not be feasible for you, but it gives you some ideas to try.
- Prepare the night before – lay out clothes for everyone, pack bags if you are heading out for the day and make the lunches – this one makes a big difference to my stress levels in the morning. It’s less to think about, and one less decision to be made.
- Quick and easy healthy meals – It’s no longer possible for me to cook every night. I spent most afternoons panicking about how l was going to find the time too cook. That’s one stress l can do without. So, I’ve started cooking double meals, l make enough for two meals every time l cook. I also make sure l have enough spare for a kids portion to stick in the freezer. On a Sunday l also prepare as much food as l can for the week. It’s roasting a tray of veggies, another of potatoes, a batch of quinoa etc. l keep all of this in the fridge and add to meals during the week.
- Have a day off from cooking – l have one day a week when l don’t do any cooking or food prep. Both myself and my eldest look forward to this day. For me and my partner it’s a take away, and for her it’s either selecting whatever she wants (within reason!) from the supermarket, or going to a café to feed the kids before coming home and into the bedtime routine! The other bonus is no washing up that day.
- Sleep – my partner and l take alternate nights with our youngest now! At least we know we can sleep for half of the week. This one has made the biggest difference for us.
Boundaries & Buying Time
These changes take a bit more time and effort – I’m working on them!
Buying time: I’m tracking my schedule, moving bits around and looking for things that l don’t need to do anymore. It’s surprising the amount of wasted time we have in our day.
Setting healthy Boundaries: I’m looking at routines, beliefs, what my limits are, what’s ok and what’s not and who l want to spend my time with.
I love being a mum, l choose to home educate my kids, and yes l sometimes feel overwhelmed and exhausted. I want to enjoy my life, not just survive each day. To do this, l continue to look at what works for me and my family, ditch anything that doesn’t and put boundaries in place that protects me from these unrealistic external pressures we feel as mums.
If you want to start making practical changes too, and find ways to protect your energy, but have no idea where to start please check out my coaching packages or book a free discovery call.
Kerry x